Sexuality is much more than sex – it is an important part of who a person is. Sexuality is shaped by the values that a person learns from family, society, and other influences. Being attracted to someone is part of building relationships and friendships, but attraction does not have to lead to sexual intercourse.

The right to sexuality is a part of human right. You, young people, males and females, need to be comfortable talking about sexuality and be honest with each other about how you feel and what you want in a relationship. Sexual abuse, including rape, date rape, or any other kind of sexual act against a person's will, is wrong, and is a crime. No one has the right to do this, regardless of what the victim says, does, or who the victim is. Young people have the right to choose when, with whom, and how they want to be sexual. You can sometimes prevent abuse, but if it does happen, it is not your fault. Tell someone you trust if it happens.

Most people think of “sex” and “sexuality” as sexual intercourse and other physical sexual activity. Sex refers to whether or not a person is male or female. A person's sex often means his or her reproductive system and genitalia, as well as how the person outwardly expresses his or her sex through gender roles and behaviour as a male or a female. Sex is an important part of sexuality. Sexuality is much more than sexual feelings or sexual intercourse. It includes being aware of oneself as a sexual being, having sex appeal and being sexy in the way a person behaves, dresses, and communicates. It is an important part of who a person is and what s/he will become. It includes feelings, thoughts, and behaviours of being female or male, being attractive and being in love, as well as being in relationships that include sexual intimacy and physical sexual activity. A person's sexuality is shaped by the values and teachings that the person learns as a child and young person, as well as other influences such as media and society.

• Sexuality means more than sex. It includes the whole development of a person and what or who influenced that person.

It is amazing how we are influenced by everything around us, sometimes consciously and other times, unconsciously. Our family and friends want the best for us and share their experiences and knowledge with us, but we are the ones responsible for the decisions we make, especially regarding sex and sexual intercourse. It is important to realize this and to make sure that we understand the many components that make up our sexuality.

Coping with sexual and intimate feelings:
It is natural and normal for us to feel sexually aroused by something or someone. This can happen at any time and does not mean that we are “looking” for sex. The way people dress, and the way they smile, walk, and talk, etc. can stir feelings inside us that are often thought of as sexual. This is just our sexuality expressing itself and is the body's way of acknowledging ourselves and others as sexual beings. Feeling “turned on” does not automatically mean that one has to have sexual intercourse. What it does mean is that that person has a strong feeling that s/he wants to express, but sexual intercourse is often not the way to do it. Many times, a girl or woman is happy to sit and talk about something personal or common to her and her partner. This intimate sharing can increase arousal and make the relationship stronger as the friendship builds. Men and boys also need intimacy, but because society and other influences have suggested that arousal equals sexual intercourse, males tend to rush through this part and either miss out or shorten what could be a beautiful experience. Getting to know one another intimately is important in building a strong relationship. It also helps for a couple to talk about the sexual feelings they have so that both parties realize the tension that exists between them and can make a decision about how to handle it. There are many things that two people who are attracted to each other can do without having sexual intercourse, but while really enjoying being with each other and getting to know each other deeply.

Key points:
• Being attracted to someone is part of starting and building relationships and friendships.
• Attraction to someone does not have to lead to sexual intimacy, intercourse, or sexual activity of any kind.

Young people need to spend more time getting to know each other as individuals and not rush into sexual intercourse as a way of expressing their sexual feelings. We need to remember that being aroused by someone happens naturally. It can happen at any time and can be caused by a range of things. Both males and females need to be honest with each other about how they feel and what they want, so that they express clearly what they will and will not do.

Love:
Love is an intense feeling of caring for another person. Below you can find some key points describing 'true love' that will help you not to confuse love with other romantic feelings or sexual behaviours.

Key points:
• Love can take many different forms (romantic, friendly, familial) but it is always about caring.
• Love does not hurt. Physical and/or emotional abuse are not a part of love.
• Love is not manipulative; it should not be used to get others to do what you want. You should never give in to demands based on the, "You would do it if you loved me!" tactic.
• Although it is true that a big part of love is putting another person's happiness ahead of your own this never includes compromising your values or being untrue to yourself.
• If somebody asks you to do something that you don't want to do in order to "prove" your love they do not love you the way you might think they do. When you love another person you don't ask them to sacrifice a part of themselves in the name of that love.
• It is very easy to confuse lust for love. The true measure of romantic love is commitment and trust not physical attraction.
• It is possible to feel romantic love for more than one person at a given time. Just think, if it is possible for you to love both of your parents at the same time why would it be impossible to feel romantic love for two people at once? Don't beat yourself up emotionally if you find yourself in this unhappy situation. But be sure to remain single and be open and honest with all parties about your feelings and confusion.
• Sex is NOT love. Love is NOT sex. Sex can be a part of romantic love but it is never mandatory.
• Romantic love can (and often does) fade. When it goes there is not always a reason. When somebody falls out of love with you it does not reflect upon your value as a person or your desirability.
• Love should make you feel happy, secure and appreciated.

The word “value” means different things. One meaning is the actual worth of an object or an item. Another meaning involves a more personal aspect of worth, such as how important certain beliefs or ideas are to a person. Different things are worth more or less to different people, meaning they have more or less value. The things, ideas, beliefs, and principles that are of worth to you shape your values. Our values help to define who we are and help determine the choices we make, also called our behaviour. For example: A man who values his family cares for and takes care of his wife, children, and home life. A person who values health will try to have a healthy diet, avoid behaviours that can put her or him at risk of STIs and avoids alcohol, tobacco, and other drugs. People who value education will try to study hard, get good grades, and pass examinations.

Values are:
a. Things you are for (you support) or against (you do not support).
b. Things you have chosen on your own, with no outside pressure, i.e. no one has forced you to choose your values, although your family, friends, teachers, the media, and traditional and religious leaders have certainly influenced you.
c. Things you believe in and are willing to stand up for in front of people.
d. Things that you use to make choices and that can guide your behaviour in life.

Key points:
• Values are things we believe in or support.
• Our values are shaped by everything and everyone around us.
• Values often influence the decisions and choices we make.

FAMILY VALUES
A range of things such as religious teachings, culture, friendships, and media influences our values. Family is, however, one of the most important and powerful sources of messages about values. These values play an important role in shaping our lives as they influence the choices and decisions we make as we grow and develop. It is therefore important to make decisions and live according to personal values. We will now look at family values and how these affect and influence the individual.

Key points:
• Each one of us is influenced by our family values.
• Family values play a key role in the decisions and choices that we make.

Our families do not always communicate their values directly. Quite often, many of these are picked up through observing behaviour and not through any direct instruction. Values that deal with sexuality are mostly communicated this way, as parents are often shy to discuss sex with their children or are not sure how to handle the subject of sexual values. Understanding our family values is important as they influence decisions we make.

Key points:
• It is best to say what we want and do not want rather than leaving it up to the other person to guess or “read our minds.”
• Assertive behaviour must be shown both verbally and nonverbally through good use of body language.
• Poor communication or lack of communication often causes misunderstandings that could cause friendships or relationships to break.
• When a person is getting conflicting or confusing messages, s/he tends to believe the non-verbal signs more than the verbal. It is important to make sure that both verbal and nonverbal messages are the same.

For too long people have said that in sexual relationships “no” means “yes” or “try harder to change my mind.” People (particularly women and girls) must start sending the message that they want to be heard and not leave any room for misunderstanding or confusion. We should say exactly what we mean and mean what we say. If a young couple should decide to have sexual intercourse, then they will need a different set of communication skills, so they can discuss and negotiate safer sex and contraception. We always know when we are uncomfortable with a situation or a person, but we do not always follow our feelings. It is important that we trust our instincts. This is the first step to making the right decisions for ourselves and it plays a big part in our behaviour. Let us now look at how to make good decisions.

This includes beliefs about different groups of people that are not based on fact, but on what others think about that group. For example, statements such as “male dancers are homosexuals” or “women do not make good soldiers” are stereotypes because they are not based on fact.

Key points:
• Sex means either male or female. This also applies to plants and animals.
• Gender roles mean the different things that a male or female is considered capable of doing. This is heavily influenced by society's beliefs.
• Stereotypes are beliefs that have no factual truth—usually stories that have been around so long that people start to believe that they are true and treat them as such.
• Gender roles can change over time, especially when challenged to be proven right or wrong.

If a person believes that because s/he is a man or a woman, s/he is limited in what s/he can do with her or his life, the person will probably set different goals to what s/he really would like to achieve. Because gender roles can severely limit the plans we make and the goals we set for our future, it is important that we become aware of them and overcome the stereotyped expectations that are put on us. Then we can plan for ourselves, without worrying about how others see us. To do this it is useful to be able to make the right decisions without being greatly influenced by what others say, think, or do.

Building and maintaining healthy relationships of all kinds require respect, communication, and honesty. Friendships established during adolescence are vital, but not all relationships are healthy or good for us. We must be true to our values and ourselves and make decisions about relationships that are goof for us. We should resist pressure from our peers to do things we do not want to do. Dating can be lots of fun, but we should know what we expect from it. Choosing to have sexual intercourse is a serious decision, and it needs much careful thought. Being sexually aroused is normal and natural, but it does not mean you have to have sex. In adolescence, many relationships will end. Breaking up is never easy—not for the one ending the relationship or the one being let go. But it is bound to happen at some time, especially during adolescence as teens discover personal likes and dislikes about themselves and their friends. Except in relationships where there was some kind of abuse, it is a good thing to try and break up in a way that lets both partners keep their dignity and self-respect.

Reasons for Saying Yes
• To stop pressure from friends/partner.
• To communicate loving feelings in a relationship.
• To avoid loneliness.
• To get affection.
• To receive presents or gifts.
• To receive and give pleasure.
• To show independence from parents and other adults.
• To hold onto a partner.
• To prove one is an adult.
• To become a parent.
• To satisfy curiosity.
Reasons for Saying No
• To follow religious beliefs or personal or family values.
• To be ready for intercourse before engaging in it.
• To keep a romantic relationship from changing.
• To avoid pregnancy.
• To avoid STIs, including HIV and AIDS.
• To avoid hurting parents.
• To avoid hurting your reputation.
• To avoid feeling guilty.
• Because of early or previous sexual abuse.
• To reach future goals.
• To find the right partner.
• To wait for marriage.

Key points:
• It is an individual choice whether or not to have sexual intercourse as a teenager. The person must make her or his own decision based on the advantages and disadvantages to herself or himself.
• Teenagers are very vulnerable to peer pressure and the influence of friends and media. This often causes them to make the wrong choices and decisions.
• Being cool and popular is fun, but it often challenges our values. It may be very unpopular to do the right thing, but more self-satisfying.
• Being sexually aroused is normal and natural. It does not mean that one has to engage in sexual activity.
• Choosing to have sex is a serious decision. It needs to be thought about carefully so that we take the necessary precautions.

Failure to make good decisions about sexual intercourse is one reason many teenagers have unplanned pregnancies and/or contract STIs, including HIV. Young people need to be aware that if and when they do decide to act upon their sexual feelings, and have sexual intercourse, this is no guarantee that their friendship or relationship is going to last.

Key points:
• People do not always plan to have sex. Sometimes they find themselves in situations where it seems like the right thing to do.
• Young people need to consider the consequences of their actions seriously, before engaging in sexual intercourse.
• Sexual activity/intercourse has many risks. We must think carefully before deciding to have sex.
• Masturbation is another 100% safe way of expressing your sexuality
• If young couple decides to have sex, they must consider using condoms or other means of contraception in order to avoid unplanned pregnancies and getting STIs/HIV/AIDS

Teenage sexual activity is risky. Remember that avoiding or postponing sexual intercourse is always the most effective way to prevent sexual risks such as unplanned pregnancies, STIs/HIV/AIDS, etc. If and when a person decides to have sex he or she should bear in mind the possible consequences and make responsible decisions for herself or himself, and her or his partner.

Abstinence:
Completely avoiding sexual intercourse. It is an important choice for those adolescents who are not ready for sexual intercourse and its risks of pregnancy, STIs, or emotional challenges. This method does call for self-discipline and respect for each other's wishes. The responsibility rests with both partners.

Maybe you're waiting for the right person to have sex with; maybe you're just not ready to do the deed yet. Or maybe you're currently sexually active but thinking about trying out abstinence. Whatever the reasons are, you're not the only one. Many men and women abstain from sex play at different times in their lives. Some choose to abstain all their lives.

What Is Abstinence?
There are two kinds of abstinence. Both ways can prevent pregnancy by keeping a man's ejaculate and pre-ejaculate out of the vagina.

Periodic Abstinence
Sexually active women can reduce their risk of pregnancy by becoming familiar with their fertility patterns. Then they abstain from vaginal intercourse on their unsafe days when they could become pregnant. This is called periodic abstinence. Keep in mind that periodic abstinence doesn't protect you against sexually transmitted infections. At this stage in your life, periodic abstinence can be difficult because:
• It works best for women with very regular periods.
• Teen women often have irregular periods.
• Your partners may not wish to cooperate in using this method.
• Your relationship may not be as stable or as committed as is necessary for developing the trust and cooperation necessary for effective use of this method.

Continuous Abstinence
Continuous abstinence is not having sex play with a partner at all. It's 100 percent effective in preventing pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections. There are no medical or hormonal side effects to worry about — and, it's free!

If you're still thinking, "No way, not me, I'm not going to abstain," check out these stats. Women who abstain until their 20s and who have fewer partners in their lifetimes are less likely to:
• get sexually transmitted infections
• become infertile
• develop cancer of the cervix

Easier Said than Done?
Sure, it's not always going to be easy. You may find it hard to abstain for long periods of time, and you may even find yourself in a situation where you have a heat-of-the-moment decision to end your abstinence without being prepared to protect yourself against pregnancy or infection. In which case, having a back up plan, like carrying condoms, is important even if you are abstinent.

But if you have chosen to abstain from sex, you probably don't want a single hot and heavy moment to undermine your good intentions. So you could try avoiding sexual situations and things like drugs and alcohol that might make abstinence difficult. Plus, you could try chatting with people who you know will support you in your decision.

Just because you're abstinent doesn't mean you can't date, have feelings for another person, or be in a relationship. You'll need to tell your partner about your choice of abstinence before he or she might want to start hooking up. As long as you're honest with your guy or girl, you're cool. It might seem awkward, but once you get that conversation about your abstinence choice out of the way, you can get to the good stuff — like watching movies, holding hands, laughing, eating ice cream, dancing, bike riding, hugging, sharing secrets, rollerblading, shopping, going to the beach, listening to music, and much more.

One day your relationship may change, and your decision to be abstinent may change, too. Just remember: if you don't want to be abstinent anymore, check out your other birth control options, and get the info on how to protect yourself from infection.

Masturbation:
Achieving sexual pleasure by stimulating sex organs is called masturbation. Masturbation relates to both boys and girls. Masturbation is normal and healthy. It is not considered harmful practice, as it is a milestone in sexual development. Practicing masturbation is an essential part of understanding your sexuality and in some cases can help avoiding sexual intercourse for any reason choose not to practice sex.

There have been times in history when masturbation has been considered evil or bad and something that makes people sick, blind or insane. Even today in our society, masturbation is not an open topic of conversation. We especially don't talk and hear about girls masturbating, probably because there is less acceptance of female sexuality.

Studies have proven that masturbation causes no ill effects and is a normal and healthy sexual activity. Recent surveys show that men and women of all ages give themselves sexual pleasure in a variety of ways. There is no reason to feel guilty about masturbating. At the same time, it's also important to respect your feelings if masturbation is something you don't feel comfortable doing.

Key points:
• Masturbation is not evil, dirty or harmful - it will not make you go blind, drive you insane, turn you in to a pervert, stunt your growth, give you an STD, make you sterile or get you pregnant.
• Both guys and girls masturbate, it is a normal and healthy part of sexual development.
• Masturbation is a very personal thing and should not be done in public places or around people who are not willing partners (think safer sex activity).
• You are normal if you masturbate, normal if you wonder about it but don't do it, and normal if you never give it a second thought and don't do it - it is one of the few things in life that is "normal if you do and normal if you don't".
• Masturbation may make sexual intercourse more enjoyable because you will already know what it takes to "please you".
• Masturbation alleviates stress and releases endorphins (the pleasure hormones) in to your system making you more relaxed.
• Masturbation as exploration of the body is common in children between the ages of 3 and 6, in teens masturbation becomes more sophisticated and sexually motivated.
• Surveys have shown that 80% of males and 59% of females have masturbated by age 18.
• Many experts believe that masturbation is more prevalent in the teen years due to a strong fluctuation of hormones; masturbation alleviates the strain of this build up and is a necessary part of development.
• The only real problems that come with masturbation are psychological and are the result of unhealthy or weary attitudes toward doing it (if you do it but are ashamed) or abnormal practices (for example, public masturbation).

Safe sex:

Sources:
http://www.teenwire.com
http://teenadvice.about.com
Guidelines for Comprehensive Sexuality Education:
http://www.siecus.org/pubs/guidelines/guidelines.pdf